Classical Values :: Sins of the flesh?

September 17, 2008

Sins of the flesh?

I saw a car parked near the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, and I couldn't resist a shot. (License number altered to protect what I guess is "privacy.")

"Whatever can that mean?" I thought.

Cannibals for Obama?

Some things I find hard to swallow. I understand that people are into all kinds of lifestyles and stuff, but seriously, why would anyone eat a vegetarian? And why would such a person support Barack Obama? If anything, I'd expect whatever cannibals there are who support Obama to be into eating red meat conservatives, and even that they'd tend to keep in the closet. (For obvious reasons.)

Might this have been some sort of "false flag" by devious Republican tricksters trying to make Obama supporters look depraved, while poking fun at vegetarians? I doubt it, because very few people would get it. Besides, there's already a bumpersticker which they could use to ridicule vegetarians, which says "Eat a vegetarian."

So I was stumped, and it wasn't until I Googled the phrase that I realized that the "taste" referred to is not the taste of flesh, but the taste of, um, secretions. Here's Meghan Lane, the student coordinator of the Health and Sex Peer Education Program (at UC Berkeley's Daily Cal):

Vegetarians taste better: What you eat affects the flavor of your semen/vaginal secretions. Meat and asparagus supposedly make sexual secretions taste bitter, garlic can make them taste garlicky and fruits, especially pineapple, can give secretions a sweet taste.

Note the weasel word "supposedly." This can only means that the author does not claim to be speaking from personal experience. I'm too much of a skeptic to take her word for it. On the other hand, I'm not sure I'd want to apply the old "trust but verify" doctrine too liberally.

Hmmm. Maybe I mean literally. I'd hate to have to investigate a claim that liberals taste better too. I'll just take the word of a commenter named "Do-Gooder" that they do. At least, where it comes to "normal" sins of the flesh:

....everyone knows liberals taste better. We're like those Japanese cows that get fed beer and are regularly massaged leading to contented stress-free lives. Though I have never tasted it myself, I am led to believe it is the finest beef in all the world. And as us liberals are happy-go-lucky types who do not believe the sky is going to fall in at any moment, we too lead stress-free lives, get regular massages (a little known perk) and drink beer (or vodka in my case). Thus we are finger ******* good. Any mountain lion would be proud to gnaw on us.

Is there a "conservatives taste better" meme?

And is it flesh in the sexual sense, or flesh in the old fashioned normal sense? (Or should I say flesh in the normal sense, or flesh in the old fashioned sexual sense?)

Yes. And no. Because sex has nothing to do with it:

99% of academics polled say that conservatives taste better when char-broiled.

What this proves is that whoever said "in matters of taste there can be no disagreement" did not have access to the Internet.

Beyond that, there may be profound implications for the old saying that "you are what you eat."

posted by Eric on 09.17.08 at 04:19 PM

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Comments

I have to assume that the commentor claiming liberals lead stress free lives is being facetious. The core of modern "liberal" leftism is angst, frustration, and near panic. They don't believe the sky is going to fall? How about the oceans rising, the polar bears dying, and the glaciers melting? What about the fascist takeover of AmeriKKKa by the evil BushCo, which has been imminent for the past seven and a half years? What about their casual, carefree behavior this election cycle, or th eone before, or the one before?

If today's leftists had any sense of self awareness, and if their irony could ever be directed inwards, their mascot would be Chicken Little.

Steve Skubinna · September 17, 2008 05:32 PM

And as us liberals are happy-go-lucky types who do not believe the sky is going to fall in at any moment, we too lead stress-free lives

Huh. You wouldn't know it from the online hysterics.

Indeed, even with people I know personally, I find that the leftists are much more likely to be anxious about an election than the conservatives are*.

Perhaps it's because they put so much more faith in the power of the State, and thus when that power is going to be in "the wrong hands" (of people who've been demonised for political gain, no less), it's that much more worrisome.

(* Not that there aren't conservatives that are histrionic about politics to the point of paranoia. But it seems like, at least in this election and the past two, they're a lot less horrified by the possibility of a Democratic win.)

Sigivald · September 17, 2008 06:28 PM

If some things are too hard to swallow, then may I suggest you bluebird? Or, if you like the color yellow as much as I do...let's canary!

You are absolutely right about one thing. You do NOT want to apply "trust but verify" too liberally. Might I suggest a more conservative approach for now?

Pineapple would be a nice start, but maybe a bit too sweet? In the spirit of this fleshy post, maybe we should eat a peach?

Penny · September 17, 2008 11:04 PM

Well, this here article in the Courier Mail may shed some light on that. They may only think that they taste better because of the lack of vital nutrients to the brain.

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,24336544-23272,00.html

Blademonkey · September 18, 2008 12:30 AM

This is a serious issue warranting a serious response.

If one were cannibalistically inclined, and I am not, I would think vegetarians would indeed taste better. For us conservative carnivores (Con Carns, if you please), the meat of the herbivores is generally superior to carnivores. It's sweeter. We eat the same prey as our fellow predators. We don't eat predators (much), perhaps in an "honor among meaters" sort of way.

So next time I'm in the proverbial Andean plane crash, or stuck mid-winter astride the Donner Pass, I'm going for the left-wing vegetarian first. Good eats! But no vegans please. Not enough meat on those skinny high-functioning carcasses. Only a dog would want to gnaw on those bones.

Rhodium Heart · September 18, 2008 03:20 AM

Why don't sharks eat clowns?

They taste funny.

I'll be here all week.

BackwardsBoy · September 18, 2008 11:19 AM

Maybe my irony meter is not working and this is meant to be satire, so I'll apologize in advance if that's the case.

"Vegetarians taste better" is usually accompanied by a picture of a cow or a deer or some other animal...in other words, not apologizing for NOT being a vegetarian.

ken · September 18, 2008 03:07 PM

I finally found the actual bumpersticker, which is sold here:

http://www.northernsun.com/n/s/5835.html

While it is in the environmental category (along with some other doozies) there is no explanation of what it means.

Eric Scheie · September 18, 2008 03:32 PM