Cheer up!

A friend emailed me some very happy thoughts (I'm being sarcastic), which are buried inside advice from a financial newsletter I found excerpted online:

The dollar will go to zero.
It doesn't matter, because nobody wants dollars anyway.
The US (the world) is entering a depression.
The international finance system is melting down.
The US is dying.
There will be a huge derivative explosion that will bankrupt all concerned.
We have too much domestic debt.
We have too much external debt.
We have no savings.
Our public education system is a disaster.
Our horrendous high school drop-out rate will lead to the US falling behind the Chinese and Indians.
The US is becoming a nation of obese and out-of-shape diabetics.
We don't make anything any more.
China will conquer the world.
The Russian will control all of Europe with their near-monopoly of oil and gas.
We've become the world's banker -- a bad idea.
We've become the world's policemen -- a bad idea.
The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are bankrupting us.
The Fed is pushing on a string.
Bernanke doesn't know what he's doing.
The boomers are becoming net sellers of assets to fund their retirement.
We are being overrun by immigrants.
Foreigners are buying up America.
Our children can't read or write.
We are morally bankrupt.
We are too dependent on imported oil.
Gas is heading for five dollars a gallon.
The western US is running out of water.
Social Security will implode.
There is not enough food to go around.
Global warming = global disaster.
Inflation.
Hyper-inflation.
Stagflation.
Deflation.
Depression.
Armageddon!
After looking at the stock and commodities markets, the author concludes by advising people to avoid stress.

Hmmm....

I guess that beats tackling it head-on.

Aside from quibbling with the many inaccuracies and dubious assumptions in the above list, my main complaint is that omits a leading human worry:

We're all* gonna die!

It puts the rest in perspective.


* I realize that there exists a sizable group of people who do not believe that they are going to die, but I would respectfully suggest that they're mistaken. (Some argue they're biblically incorrect.)

posted by Eric on 04.24.08 at 10:07 AM





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Comments

The Rapture enthusiasts, even when they have the general and very orthodox doctrines of Christ's return correct, usually have such an enormously amount of biblical speculation tacked on that you can safely say they are just flat wrong.

If we keep printing that list of doom, sales of drinks with umbrellas in them should go up. There's a silver lining for you.

Assistant Village Idiot   ·  April 24, 2008 04:31 PM

Any list which has Russia playing a substantial role any time in the future can be safely dismissed as a lie. The day will come when Russia is divvied up like fudge at a birthday party, and her like will never be seen again.

Alan Kellogg   ·  April 24, 2008 06:17 PM

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