Everyone is talking about apologies lately.

Most of us hate to apologize. Me, I have a lot to apologize for -- especially my role in the Columbine massacre, the Kennedy assassination, and other awful things.

Usually, when most people apologize, it's because they got caught, or else found it was politically expedient to apologize. Real men, of course, never apologize.

From today's Philadelphia Inquirer, I found a touching moral lesson on the wisdom of apologizing:

Shortly before 11 a.m. Thursday, [Vickie Gambrell] stopped at a Country Farms minimarket in Wilmington intending to buy $20 worth of gasoline.

But when the cashier told Gambrell she'd only given him a single dollar, the woman became livid.

Gambrell, 53, was adamant. She had given the clerk a 20. The clerk was just as sure Gambrell had only given him a buck.

They argued. She fumed. She stormed in and out of the store. She cursed and screamed. She accused the clerk of cheating her by committing a switcheroo.

Then Gambrell bounded behind the counter and punched and kicked the clerk. She reached for a pair of scissors and held its point against his throat, demanding $20 back, Whitmarsh said.

The clerk, fearing for his life, gave her two $10 bills. Gambrell left with the sawbucks.

The clerk called the police.

Before the troopers arrived, Gambrell sheepishly returned.

She approached the clerk. And put the two tens back on the counter.

She'd made a small mistake. As she drove away from the minimarket, she had peered into her purse. And there was the $20 bill. The very same bill she thought the clerk had pilfered from her.

Whitmarsh said it was a little too late for an "I'm sorry."

When troopers arrived, they arrested Gambrell and charged her with possession of a deadly weapon during the commission of a felony and several other counts.

Never apologize -- especially when you're guilty!

And never apologize when you're sorry!

The best policy is to apologize only for things you didn't do or which you're not sorry for. That way, you get all the credit, with none of the guilt.

If anyone is offended by this post, feel free to apologize on my behalf.