I'll say it isn't!

I woke up to see a truly marvelous headline staring me in the face.

Ethnic groups say 'white' isn't enough on the 2010 census

Arab Americans -- who make up about 1.5% of Michigan's population, based on the 2000 census -- won't be counted as such in 2010. Census officials say part of the reason was to streamline and shorten the form so that more people fill it out.

Two of the 10 questions will ask about a person's race -- white, black or Asian -- and whether the respondent is Hispanic. Arabs are considered white.

"It's unfair because we are not treated as white in society and by the government, but we also don't qualify as minorities to get the benefits of some programs" such as minority contracts, said Imad Hamad, regional director of the American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee.

Because of the relentless expansion of affirmative action (which began as a remedy for discrimination against blacks), there are innumerable non-white categories, and if you are lucky enough to get into one of them, you have an asset. I know a white woman who acquired a Hispanic last name by a marriage which soon ended in divorce, but do you think she reverted to her previous name? Not on your life. Hispanic-surnamed individuals have a leg up in the job market and it would be unreasonable to expect people to disadvantage themselves by eliminating such an advantage -- especially in this economy

I don't know whether the Arab Americans will get their way and become something other than white, but I also find it interesting that religion seems to factor somehow into the definition of race. At least, so says a University of Michigan professor:

Arab Americans and Chaldeans have varying views on the issue of race, said Andrew Shryock, an associate professor of anthropology at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. His research showed that religion can affect racial identity, with Arab-American Christians much more likely to see themselves as white than Arab-American Muslims.

What about plain old white people? What sort of goodies might the left have to offer them? Surely they are aware that the way things are going, white people will be second class citizens by operation of law (which they may already be), because all non-white people will be able to claim some sort of legal advantage, and those who have the advantage are by definition more advantaged than those who don't.

A tantalizing clue that some advantage might be in store for certain whites is the possibility of some white people laying claim to being "ethnic":

"There is no such thing as white culture," said Thaddeus Radzilowski, president of the Piast Institute, a Polish-American group in Hamtramck that is one of 56 census Information Centers in the United States and the only one in Michigan. Having the ancestry question "provides a better notion of our pluralistic society and who we are," Radzilowski said.

Polish Americans and members of other European groups, such as German Americans -- two of Michigan's most common ethnicities on the 2000 census -- are interested in keeping the ancestry question. But the issue has somewhat faded for them given that they, on average, are more culturally assimilated and not as visible in the post-Sept. 11 world as Arab Americans.

Not only does whiteness suck because it carries with it second class citizenship, but so does equality. Because equality means getting nothing more than any regular old second class white person. Moreover, equality is racist, because "those who believe in colorblind equal treatment are either conscious or unconscious racists." The author makes it clear why the offer of equal rights to gays might be seen as chump change, because what good is equality if that means being the same as non-privileged white heterosexual people?

Being equal to white these days not only isn't enough, but because it is "equal," it's actually a step down.

Being white is unbearable. Having to be white against your will is manifestly unfair. How dare they put people into such a category based on an accident of birth -- especially when they can demonstrate a grievance?

I'm thinking that finding new ways to get out of whiteness might become a growth industry.

(Instead of writing these silly essays, perhaps I should get to work helping the disadvantaged.)