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December 02, 2008
Real men hate beer, hide in caves, and plot the murder of women and children!
"YOU REALIZE, OF COURSE, THAT THIS MEANS WAR."I don't know what was more of a shock -- reading that chilling declaratory remark from Glenn Reynolds or reading the underlying reason: In his latest tape Ayman Al-Zawahiri warned America to convert to Islam and give up beer.Damned if Glenn isn't absolutely right. As the cigarette slogan goes (or went), "I'd rather fight than switch!" No conversion to Islam for me, and no one takes away my beer! Glenn's link goes to Gateway Pundit, who also links these demented remarks from Al Qaeda's fascist beer-grabber: In the 80-minute long video, the Egyptian militant also claimed that the US military action against al-Qaeda-backed tribal regions of northern Pakistan would see no success even though more troops are being sent to neighbouring Afghanistan.If you really are a man? Come on. I guess I should say Puh-leeze. He just doesn't get it, does he? Would he say that to Condi Rice? Or Hillary Clinton? I'm thinking that because it matters -- and matters so very deeply -- to Ayman Al-Zawahiri whether George W. Bush is a man, the former deserves to be reminded that the reason he's having to hide out in caves is because he's at war with a country with stronger women than he is a man. A country in which a man known to dress as a woman was a serious candidate for president: (It would probably have to be explained to the medieval Ayman that the man is on the right. And that he was one of the few American politicians, male or female, with the balls to tell the Saudis to shove their manipulative millions up their Islamist ass.) Earlier today, a friend sent me a link to the following picture, asking my help in determining whether the soldier on the left was K.D. Lang, and saying, "I was wondering what happened to her!" Come to think of it, she does look like K.D. Lang. But for the purpose of this post, it makes no difference whether she is or not -- any more than it matters to most Americans whether she really is (or really isn't) a man. I think it's good that guys like Zawahiri (who think real men live in caves and plot the murder of women and children) are worrying about the manhood of their enemies. I want them to worry -- especially about the manhood of their most hated enemies. You know, guys like these: Yes, the pictures are doctored, but Zawahiri's the type who probably thinks they might as well be true. Such unholy and unmanly men have forced Zawahiri and company to live in fear and hide in caves while they fret assiduously via covertly issued video tapes about the manhood of their enemies, demanding they "convert," and threatening to take away their beer. Hmmmm... Speaking of conversions and videos, in my ongoing conversion battle from analog to digital, I found a vintage 1991 tape in which my dog Puff and I (both unclean animals, to Zawahiri) are shown blatantly defying the beer-hating and dog-hating forces. Had I really been a man, I might have worn a dress. MORE: Incidentally, I realize that beer for dogs is controversial and said to be bad from a veterinary perspective, but Puff loved it, and lived several years past his life expectancy. I would recommend caution with smaller dogs, though, as the ill effects seem size-related. For whatever reason, Coco won't touch the stuff! MORE: Considering the long association between pit bulls and pubs and bars (and now Sarah Palin), perhaps it isn't surprising to see people talking about a beer drinking pit bull with lipstick. Why, there's even this very politically incorrect "Redneck-Pit Bull Beer" T-shirt for sale. For more froth from Zawahiri, just add lipstick! AND MORE: Speaking of pit bulls with lipstick, I see that the appointment of Hillary Clinton -- an avowed beer drinker -- as Secretary of State has delighted Israel's supporters, who Jennifer Rubin describes as breathing a sigh of relief. No word from Zawahiri. posted by Eric on 12.02.08 at 12:08 PM
Comments
Beer is a guy thing. Coco's female. Have you offered her wine? Donna B. · December 2, 2008 05:21 PM I'm with Glenn Reynolds--it is ON. Al-Zawahiri can have my beer when he pries it from my cold dead hands. (Beer is a guy thing? No way.) Heather · December 2, 2008 05:31 PM Post a comment
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I used to live in a college, party*house outside New Paltz, NY back in the late 80s and we would have some crazy parties. The Modena Madhouse was legendary, we even made it into High Times, twice, as one of the top-ten party houses in the country.
My dog at the time was smarter than most people and loved to drink. He would get hammered and rowdy at the parties and sit around the next day drinking gallons of water while watching cartoons, just like the rest of us.
So I asked my vet (country vet in Modena, NY) if it was bad for him and everybody in the office had a story about their dogs drinking. One drank straight from the tap, one like whiskey, etc.
The vet said it's no worse for him than for you so as long as you're not holding him down, have at it. My current dog doesn't like beer, but then, he's a little less intelligent than the average pair of shoes.
And On-topic, I've noticed that guys who want other guys to prove their manhood are usually loser-boy punks. I don't see any reason to revise that opinion based on this.