Satan versus Satan?

There are some serious analyses of the religious issues facing Romney in the Republican race, and this one by Mark Tapscott is a good example.

On the other hand, there are some not so serious analyses (at least some that shouldn't be taken seriously), such as the view that a 'Vote for Romney is vote for Satan.' Lest anyone think I am making this up, the host of the Florida-based explains:

"Romney is an unashamed and proud member of the Mormon cult founded by a murdering polygamist pedophile named Joseph Smith nearly 200 years ago. The teachings of the Mormon cult are doctrinally and theologically in complete opposition to the Absolute Truth of God's Word. There is no common ground. If Mormonism is true, then the Christian faith is a complete lie. There has never been any question from the moment Smith's cult began that it was a work of Satan and those who follow their false teachings will die and spend eternity in hell."
I never thought I'd be defending Romney, but seriously now.

What if he really isn't Satan?

There can only be one Satan, right? Certainly we can't have more than one Satan per election, can we? Call me crazy, but it just seems to me that if the experts say that there's more than one Satan running, someone has to be wrong. Anyway, I'm not a Romney supporter, but for the life of me I have trouble seeing Satan wearing sacred underwear.

But I could be wrong. Satan is a master of trickery. And the trickery is compounded by the fact that the Satanic playing field is getting crowded.

No really. It just so happens that expert demonologist Don Imus just returned to the radio, and one of the first things he did was to declare that Hillary Clinton is Satan!

Don Imus returned to the radio with both barrels blasting on Monday, calling Vice President Dick Cheney a "war criminal" and reiterating his charge that Hillary Clinton is "Satan."

Referring to his disparaging remarks about the Rutgers University women's basketball team that got him pulled from the air nine months ago, a somewhat contrite Imus did say that he "will never say anything in my lifetime that will make any of these young women at Rutgers regret or feel foolish that they accepted my apology and forgave me."

But he told listeners: "Dick Cheney is still a war criminal. Hillary Clinton is still Satan. And I'm going on the radio."

The implications are scary. This country is poised to elect a president. As it appears right now, it could very well happen that Mitt Romney will be the Republican candidate, and Hillary Clinton will be the Democratic candidate.

In other words, your "choice" might very well be between the Satanic Mitt Romney, or the Satanic Hillary Clinton.

No matter how you look at it, it's shaping up to be a hell of a choice.

And hellish choices call for hellish theories!


I'd say "Get thee behind me," but it doesn't have the right feel....

posted by Eric on 12.04.07 at 12:03 AM


Satan had bloody well better stand in front of me, where I can keep an eye on him.

As for the rest of it, well, Mormonism has always struck me as doctrinally silly, but every Mormon I've known over my 55 years on this ball of dirt has conducted himself in a completely exemplary fashion. The pattern is unbelievably strong. Whether that's a reason to vote a Mormon into the Oval Office is another question.

Francis W. Porretto   ·  December 4, 2007 4:48 AM

Eh, just watch Satan play for the Islanders. Although I guess he should really be with the Devils...

ken   ·  December 4, 2007 1:57 PM

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