I never get any trick-or-treaters, but I always carve a jack-o-lantern anyway. Here's this year's:

I can't help notice that there have been a lot of complaints about girls wearing slutty outfits like these, but because no one ever comes to the house, I have no way of evaluating slutty costume statistics.

For some background, Glenn Reynolds links James Lileks who quotes from Newsweek:

Witches are "wayward" and grammar-school pirates are "wenches." A girl isn't an Army cadet, she's a "Major Flirt," and who knew female firefighters wore fishnet stockings? Even Little Bo Peep comes with a corset, short skirt and lacy petticoat.

I kvetched about this a few years ago in my print incarnation, but for some odd reason one lone column did not stop the marketing juggernaut. I'll have to look into that.

I'm wondering, is such a thing possible?

As to what they would look like, I don't know. Earlier Glenn said he was "OK on slutty," although not for nine year olds, but would anyone say they're "OK on prudish"? Do today's kids even know what the word "prude" means?

What would a prude wear, anyway? Does anyone know?

First, let's settle the nagging question of what is a prude -- at least, from the standpoint of a clueless girl:

Dear Alice,

Hey! I am a thirteen-year-old clueless girl. I was just wondering what prude means. I mean, I am very curious about it, all my friends talk about it, and I have no clue what it means. If you could help me out, I would be very grateful. Thanks again.

-Curious and Clueless

Dear Curious and Clueless,

A prude is someone who is concerned about whether what s/he says, what s/he does, how s/he dresses, etc. is proper according to what a particular group of people thinks is "normal" or appropriate.

But there's more:

The term is often used to judge someone as sexually conservative and no fun.

Being a prude could also describe a person who doesn't know very much about sex because of a lack of experience, or who doesn't do something sexually that someone else wants her/him to do.

So what exactly would a girl who wanted to go out as a prude for Halloween wear, anyway?

I found a goofy online "Are you a prude?" test which had a couple of images:

Well, that looks downright Victorian to me. And while the Victorians were known for being prudish, today that look is considered "Gothic" -- and therefore cool and trendy!

At least as trendy as the "elegant Gothic Lolita" look:

And that's perverted right?

So it wouldn't do for a youngster who's trying for the prude look.

The test site also has this schoolgirl uniform:

I guess that's prudish, but I see a problem right away with the prudishly strict school uniform thing. While the schoolgirl uniforms might be intended to be prudish, it's a well known fact that perverts in Japan (and probably here) get turned on by them.

Which leads this sort of thing to be marketed:

It's so slutty and disgusting that it ought to be illegal, right?

Which is obviously why it's being marketed as a Halloween costume. But the problem is, it derives from prude wear!

If yesterday's prude look becomes today's slutty look, I see no way for parents to win.

I truly apologize for the fact that this became waaaay perverted.

To think that I imagined I could write a modest proposal for prudish Halloween uniforms!

I should probably stay the hell away from fashion and stick to pumpkins.