Ace links to this noxious high school "survey" which really isn't a survey at all, but an attempt to intimidate young people who haven't yet developed thick skins.

Says Ace:

I know they'll say they're just trying to make it easier for closeted gay teens to come out, to feel that they're not alone. But I hope they understand it does tend to look a lot like recruiting.

Maybe it's just semantics. I guess there's no way to tell a gay kid "it's okay to be gay" without also "recruiting" him into being gay. Same thing, just different words for it.

HETEROSEXUAL QUESTIONNAIRE
The following questions are reversals of questions frequently asked of lesbians and gay men. How would you feel if they were asked of you?

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you first decide you were heterosexual? Was there something that happened to you?

3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of soon?

4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

5. Isn't it possible that all you need is a good gay or lesbian lover? Have you ever had a positive gay or lesbian sexual experience?

6. Heterosexuals have histories of failures in gay or lesbian relationships. Do you think you may have turned to heterosexuality out of a fear of failing again?

7. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know you wouldn't prefer that?

8. If heterosexuality is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients heterosexual?

9. Why do you insist on being so obvious and making a public spectacle of your heterosexuality? Can't you just be what you are and keep it quiet?

10. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other into restricted stereotyped sex-roles. Why do you cling to such unhealthy role playing?

11. How can you enjoy a fully satisfying sexual experience or deep emotional rapport with a person of the opposite sex, when the obvious physical, biological and temperamental differences between you are so vast? How can a man understand what pleases a woman or vice-versa?

12. How could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you, considering the menace of overpopulation?

13. Why are heterosexuals so promiscuous?

14. Could you really trust a heterosexual counselor to be objective and unbiased? Don't you fear that she or he might be inclined to influence you in their own leanings?

It's outrageous to inflict this stuff on kids, and it's as if a bunch of gay activists are trying to punish them for the "homophobic crimes" of the 1950s. Next they'll tell them that homosexuals received electroshock therapy, as if that's their fault too.

I can't prove it, but I have a hunch that the people who did this are more axe-grinding activists than recuiters:

The teachers who Woelfel said are responsible for the survey - social studies teacher Sarah Olson and communications teacher Julie Grudzinski - could not be reached for comment.

Ah, screw it. Right now I'm too tired to write a long essay.

Plus I just saw United 93, which brought back memories that never left.

UPDATE: The comments posted by Ace's readers are great. I especially liked this one from "Sack of Crap":

The survey I am preparing includes the following quesiton:

"If you have never slept with a middle-aged, balding white guy with a little beer belly and thick glasses, then how do you know you wouldn't prefer it?"

Seriously though, I wish there was some way to abolish the deliberate infliction of guilt on students who have done nothing wrong, and who are in what are supposed to be their formative years. Similar techniques have been used for years in "teaching" things like "racial sensitivity." The reason they've become so common is that most of the people who are pushing them on students -- the ones who do heavy lifting -- are not members of the groups said to be aggrieved. They are themselves members of the "guilty" class who believe fervently in their own guilt. Because this guilt dominates their thinking and cannot be contained, they become transmitters of it in a manner akin to religious guilt. Being guilty, they must do more than atone; they must make others atone. To the extent that they still harbor inner unresolved feelings of bigotry, why, the infliction of guilt upon others serves as official certification that they are bigotry-free! This is why liberals who are personally uncomfortable with homosexuality were so quick to jump on the "gay marriage" bandwagon. It certifies the supporter as "not a bigot!" (Much easier than inviting homos home to eat dinner with your family, no?) The fact that the people on the other side can be characterized as "bigots" and "homophobes" adds credibility to this certification by way of contrast. (It also does wonders for the ego to stake out with such ease a position said to be the "intelligent" one. After all, bigots are stupid, right?)

For further discussion of the mechanism, see "I am not a bigot -- because you are!"

MORE: Nothing in this post is intended to disparage the value of parody, which I engage in regularly here, and which is protected free speech. This recent parody of Exodus International is a classic example, and I think the people threatening litigation only make themselves look ridiculous. That such parodies are constitutionally protected, however, does not make them valid educational tools.