A knockout peace plan!

While it hasn't been discussed much by the mainstream media, Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez is readying the country for an invasion by U.S. troops:

The Chavez government said it is preparing citizens to fight a guerrilla war to repel a possible Iraq-style invasion by U.S. troops. The Bush administration insists the invasion paranoia is nothing more than leftist saber-rattling, but for Chavez supporters the threat is real.

"They've already invaded us, now the invading forces are controlling certain strategic objectives," said Rear Admiral Zahin Quintana, a squadron commander, after disembarking from a warship as part of the exercise. "Now begins the resistance by our troops together with our people."

The tanks began circulating through the streets, and units of mock invading soldiers launched smoke bombs to clear the way. But local residents, organized and trained by military authorities, resisted the assault by blocking roads with rusting cars and burning tires.

"We're willing to go anywhere to defend our homeland," said Rosmery Trujillo, a participant in the operation, told state television. "This country will never again be put under the boot of the North, thanks to our President Chavez."

Is there no way to avert this coming war?

At the risk of sounding like Neville Chamberlain, I'd like to offer an alternative which I think would avoid much unnecessary carnage. It's an old idea, really. Instead of having armies of two nations killing each other, why not just select two combatants, and let them engage in a legitimate boxing match?

How to do that? Certainly not by having Bush and Chavez square off in the ring! That would be unduly disruptive to the world economy. Instead, I propose letting one of Chavez's most famous supporters -- Cindy Sheehan -- duke it out with one of his most famous opponents -- Pat Robertson.

It has occurred to me that a few spoilsports might claim that this wouldn't be a fair fight, and I understand the concern because normally, men are not allowed to fight women, as they have an unfair advantage in strength, stamina, ability, etc.

But does anyone really consider the following a fair fight?

robertson-chavez.jpg

(Photoshop from Luke Gilman.)

Not fair at all. For starters, Pat Robertson is old enough to be Hugo Chavez's father.

While it's also true that Robertson at 76 is also old enough to be Cindy Sheehan's father, this is offset by the simple fact that Sheehan is a woman.

(I hate to sound sexist, but facts are facts.)

And if you ask me, she's rested, she's ready, and she appears to be the president's pick!

SheehanChavez.jpg

All things considered, I think the age difference between Sheehan and Robertson might round things out, and make this a fair fight.

I know, I know. It's seems like a silly idea. But if the pair actually consented to do this, imagine the broadcast revenues.

I'd buy a ticket.

(But alas; I don't have time for photoshopping.)

posted by Eric on 05.19.06 at 01:55 PM







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» Hugo boy! from The Cranky Insomniac
Did you know we were readying an invasion force to occupy Venezuela? Eric at Classical Values links to a Reuters article that says Venezuelan President and party boy Hugo Chavez is "preparing citizens to fight a guerrilla war to repel a possible Iraq... [Read More]
Tracked on May 19, 2006 7:11 PM



Comments

Ya know, if we were going to invade a Wetsern hemisphere country, you'd think people would realize Cuba would be at the top of the list. The fact that we haven't messed with Cuba since the Bay of Pigs fiasco should make things pretty obvious.

Beck   ·  May 19, 2006 3:50 PM

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