It's Good Friday, which is nonetheless Online Test Day at Classical Values, so I dare not break with tradition, although I do promise to try to be good.

The first test has gotten around quite a bit. I've seen it all over the blogosphere, but first at David Ferguson's Sketches of Strain, where David earned the title of "Grammar God"!

I didn't know there was such a thing as a Grammar God, and I took the test, assuming that I couldn't possibly achieve such a high rank.

But nonetheless, I too am a "Grammar God."

You are a GRAMMAR GOD!


If your mission in life is not already to
preserve the English tongue, it should be.
Congratulations and thank you!


How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I didn't think I was all that good well at grammar, because I often torture the English language -- even as I try to fight my way out of the innumerable cultural definitions so often forced upon us by the political, religious, and secular authorities who want to run our lives.

I should note that not only is my result the same as David's -- but so is that of every other blogger I've seen who has taken this test.

Which means what?

God is Blog?

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Speaking of divine grammar, I found another very cool blogger, res gestae dionysii (and what a name!) whose test -- "Which Big Lebowski character are you?" -- derives from a film I have not seen, "The Big Lebowski."

Not sure how to interpret my results, but here they are:

Considering my very female result, what's with the threat to cut off my Johnson?

Or might the test writers assume I'm chicken?

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Or was I retroactively anticipating the next test, "What kind of chicken are you???"

Take the quiz: "What kind of chicken are you???"

Golded Mis-Proportionate chicken.
(GMP for short). You take a bit of everything but don't quite settle in anything. You maybe adventurous. You're so DAMN interesting!!!

"Interesting," huh? I'm afraid that may be code language for just plain ugly!

Via Ordinary Galoot, whose has a better looking chicken than mine.

I am jealous.

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So where does a hapless chicken grammar god, feminized under duress, go for a good time?

The last test for today -- "Which American City Are You?" -- promised to tell me.

Take the quiz: "Which American City Are You?"

Seattle
Your dark exterior masks a caffeine driven activism. You'll take up a cause and you'll get ugly to advance it.

(Via Straight White Guy, who was Memphis!)

I don't mind being Seattle at all. I would move there in a heartbeat, even though it's not quite as cool as it was in the early 90s. I've traveled to Seattle more times than I can count, as I have friends and virtual relatives who've lived there for years. Back in the 90s, Seattle was the way San Francisco used to be in the 70s. Cool but not really thinking it was cool, and therefore not yet a cliche. But coolness always leads to cliches, because people want to be cool. If you're a malcontent who doesn't want to be cool, you just have to keep running away from this constant cycle. Maddening.

But I'd still move there. Maybe I could deface the Stalin Lenin statue or something.