Andrew Sullivan is keeping a sharp eye on weird utterances over at National Review Online:

DERBYSHIRE WATCH: Defenders of John Derbyshire at National Review argue that he simply holds arguments against homosexual relationships or sex and is not "anti-gay" or prejudiced. This despite the fact that he has in the past simply avowed that he doesn't "like" homosexuality. Look, it's a free country. Derbyshire should be free to like or dislike whatever he wants. But these are not arguments. They're, well, prejudices. Then he writes something like this: "The goatee is an abomination, and engenders a cloud of suspicion about the wearer's sexual orientation." I'm not defending the goatee. And I understand he's trying to make a jocular comment. But, even in the context of jest, this is a simple, bald declaration that someone's orientation alone - their involuntary identity, not anything they might or might not do - is "suspicious." Again, imagine if someone had written that he despised beards because they "engender a cloud of suspicion about the wearer's possible Jewishness." Would anyone pass this off as simply humor? Would any serious person publish it? Is National Review endorsing this? And they wonder why "social conservatives have been losing the political debate over gay marriage."

Considering that some of Mr. Derbyshire's colleagues have been known to sport goatees, I think this may be a joke.

Now why did I say "may be"? Because, if it's serious, well, er, um, uh....

Not only would Derbyshire have insulted some of his colleagues, but he would have cast aspersions on heroes throughout the centuries.

I think it's time to offer a classical perspective on the subject of facial hair.

This is a start.

The Romans generally considered facial hair on men to be the sign of a barbarian.

And while I am not about to take sides on such a hairy issue (although in fairness I should point out that I am clean-shaven), I think Mr. Derbyshire would do well to consider the words of wisdom from early Christians such as Saint Clement of Alexandria, who saw the shaving of the face as decidedly, dangerously effeminate:

But for one who is a man to comb himself and shave himself with a razor, for the sake of fine effect, to arrange his hair at the looking-glass, to shave his cheeks, pluck hairs out of them, and smooth them, how womanly!

...This, then, the mark of the man, the beard, by which he is seen to be a man, is older than Eve, and is the token of the superior nature.

At the very least, I have to agree with Andrew Sullivan that under the circumstances Mr. Derbyshire ought to shy away from using the term "suspicious."

UPDATE: Stephen Green wins the Derby -- by a whisker -- in an amusing exercise best described as "CONNECT THE DOTS."