If you've been worried about the Loch Ness Monster, there's reason to worry some more.

An man describing himself as a college student from the Midwest claims he has solved the puzzle. "Nessie," it turns out, is no water-bound plesiosaur, but an amphibian creature that comes ashore to prey on deer! During a trip to the Loch Ness area, the student claims he discovered a mutilated deer carcass with a tooth embedded in one of its ribs. He pried out the tooth, only to have it confiscated by a "water bailiff" who (for some sinister reason or another) now refuses to give it back. So now he has posted a $5000.00 reward:

I’m a college student in the Midwest U.S. In March (2005) my roommate and I went to the U.K and spent our last two days at Loch Ness. The boat rental season hadn’t started so we hired a local who took us on a private boat tour.

After a few hours we came across the remains of a dead deer. The animal had literally been ripped in half - hind quarters gone, its spine was broken and severed. There were huge bloody gashes, teeth marks and a bizarre bony protrusion sticking out of an exposed rib. Using a screwdriver, we cracked open the ribcage and pried it loose. It was a tooth - about 4 inches long, barbed and very sharp!

I'm about the biggest skeptic you'll ever meet, but this tooth was real, and whatever ate that deer had to have been huge. Our Scottish local told us there are no bears in the area. Excited, we signaled a passing boat to join us. Big mistake! The man told us he was the water bailiff, flashed credentials, then confiscated the tooth and the video tape that was in my camera, claiming we could get everything back from the Highland Authorities as long as we cooperated. Fortunately, he didn’t find the earlier footage in my backpack.

We wasted our last day trying to get the tooth back. Most thought we were nuts, one guy who knew the water bailiff threatened to "take our passports if we made trouble." Now we're angry and want the tooth back. I tracked down a Loch Ness expert through some blogs who discovered fresh animal tracks last December. (http://loch-movie.tripod.com) Mr. McDonald says the tooth will prove his own theories apparently - developed for some author. He swears he knows what the creature is and has investors ready to buy the tooth from us.

(Via G. Gordon Liddy.)

The problem I have is that morphologically, it doesn't look like a tooth -- of an amphibian or anything else. It looks like one pincer from a crab claw! Notice that there are several little points, and they're perpendicular to the shaft. One downward bite, and they'd break off. It makes sense for a grasping pincer, but not for a tooth. Snakes' teeth curve backwards, but they aren't very long and they're only meant for holding the prey while swallowing. This tooth is too long (and too inflexible) for that. And how on earth would it become embedded in a deer?

Is this really a tooth?

The whole tooth?

I don't know whether to bite on the story, but I'm hedging my bets. If anyone can identify the specimen above or shed further light on the story, go right ahead!

MORE: If the story is true, it appears that the "water bailiff" may have exceeded his statutory authority.