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February 11, 2005
I lived
According to a recent medical study, broken hearts can kill: Confirming the wisdom of the poets and philosophers, doctors say the sudden death of a loved one really can cause a broken heart.Death, of course, is not reversible. Successive AIDS deaths (of my best friend, ex lover, nearly all of my extended circle of tenants in apartment buildings I had owned with lovers) caught up with me, and the whole thing finally came to a head in 1993. Foreclosures, bankruptcy, business failure, and a constant, all-encompassing desire to die. It is no understatement to say that 1993 is a year for the most part I don't remember. It's horrifying to see proof that I was alive in the form of written documents, notes, photographs taken of me, and even art -- none of which evoke any memories whatsoever. I decided that year that I didn't want to live any more, but because I still had the responsibility of taking care of a lover who hadn't died yet, I'd wait for him to die before killing myself. Meanwhile, I drank all the time, except when I would sleep. On awakening, though, I needed a couple of shots of vodka with Rose's Lime Juice--just to wake up. (Not that I wanted to wake up, but it would just unfortunately happen.) One of my best friends came to see me around Christmas of 1993, and concluded that I was "gone." He was right. I was gone; and I was tired of waiting. (I have a fuzzy memory of seeing him that Christmas, but that's it.) Anyway, the above article reminded me of 1993. It's a painful subject, even now. But yes, the doctors are right about the broken heart condition being reversible -- even in extreme cases like mine. posted by Eric on 02.11.05 at 08:45 AM
Comments
I've been reading your blog for quite awhile now. I've put you on my "daily briefing" list to read in the moring. You are a very interesting and thought provoking read. I, for one, am glad you're still around even though I've obviously never met you. I've been in that space, too. It took a devoted friend to fly in from Oregon to pull me off the couch and take me to the hospital when I would rather have layed there to waste away (I lost 80lbs in 5 months - down to 125lbs and I'm 6'2" tall). It's not always easy to get that foot on the floor in the morning, but the family and friends I do have seem to be grateful that I'm around. Keep up the good work Eric. I did a photo search on you. You are quite the looker, too. jamescalvin jamescalvin · February 11, 2005 12:32 PM Indeed. Quite the looker (a real MAN!) and quite the blogger you are. I'm most certainly glad you're decided to stick around or else I wouldn't be reading Classical Values today. I can't think of anything more tragic than the death of a loved one. I wouldn't want to survive the death of a spouse. You lose the will to live, linger on for a while, slowly pine away. Most tragic. I remember a Greek myth in which Zeus rewarded an elderly couple for their hospitality by granting them their fondest wish: to die together. When the time came, they were both changed into trees, their branches entwined. Steven Malcolm Anderson (Cato theElder) the Lesbian-worshipping man's-man-admiring myth-based egoist · February 11, 2005 02:07 PM |
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I'm glad you lived.
I've been thinking this morning about Jeff Gannon, the former alledged possible military escort man-for-man guy. Personally, I think he's pretty loathesome. Plus, I can't figure out what he was doing wandering around Washington with a stack of CIA documents and how he managed to be the original reporter that broke the Rather forged memos thing.
But, it would be a real shame if the emotional pressures of the spotlight caused him harm or caused him to harm himself.
I bet he could use a friend right now.