Is this anti-Pagan blasphemy?

ATHENS — They are getting more bad press than the Olsen twins and worse reviews than the latest Spike Lee flick. Olympic mascots Phevos and Athena, siblings named for a pair of Greek deities, are catching an ungodly amount of abuse around Athens.

They were derided in various news articles, described as animated condoms and mutants from a nuclear meltdown. Their names were co-opted by anti-Olympic activists, who promptly firebombed two government vehicles in February.

Oh, my gods, where did things go wrong?

It's hard to say. The mascots were not the vision of a single artist, such as the Spanish stoner who conjured Barcelona mascot Cobi — squiggled in about four seconds — while in a state of drug-induced bliss.

Nearly 200 entries were submitted when Athens organizers put out the call for prospective mascots. The winning creatures were created by a team of six, including a philologist/historian. They were billed as two kids, brother and sister, "full of vitality and creativity, perhaps mischievous and hence lovable."

Their bloodlines were impeccable, too.

Phevos was named for Apollo, the Greek god of light and music. Athena, the host city's namesake, was the goddess of wisdom. Yet the result was less then heavenly.

How to describe the pair?

Their bodies are built like an inverted funnel: Narrow at the neck, extra-wide at the bottom, more Oliver Hardy than Mount Olympus.

Their feet are supersized Shaq-enormous, yet hold only four tiny toes. Their outfits — his blue, hers orange — resemble off-the-rack discount caftans. Or robes from a weird order of monks.

Their hands, like their feet, feature four digits — although the fingers never see the sun because the mascots' outfits inexplicably stretch right to their fingertips. Creative director Spyros Gogos, who declined interview requests, has said their shape was inspired by a bell-shaped Greek doll from seventh-century B.C.

Here's what the goofy pair looks like:

Here are some "action shots." And you can buy a pin here.

Athena, it should be noted, was a war goddess, and I am not at all sure the cutesy cartoon does her justice. Here's a classical description:

Athena is classically portrayed wearing full armor, carrying a lance and a shield with the head of the gorgon Medusa mounted on it. It is in this posture that she was depicted in Phidias's famous gold and ivory statue of her, now lost to history, in the Parthenon on the Athenian Acropolis. Athena is also often depicted with an owl (a symbol of wisdom) sitting on one of her shoulders.

In earlier, archaic portraits of Athena in vase-paintings, the goddess retains some of her Minoan character, such as great birdwings.

Too many wars have been started that way. (Besides, as Glenn Reynolds astutely reminded the blogosphere in this classic post, Athena was smart!)

I say, let the gods speak for themselves.