Mixed results on this weird Friday (Online Testing Day at Classical Values) -- one of which is the punishment I was promised for cheating in a previous test.

First, through Michael Demmons I found the "What Famous Leader Are You?" test.

I turned out to be John F. Kennedy:

What Famous Leader Are You?

But I'm not sure about that description. True, I enjoy taking risks, but liking power because it increases my sexual options?

I hate power!

And what sexual options are they talking about? Where are they?

Obviously, more tests are in order.

Think Kennedy and think Camelot, kings, castles, right? I took the "What is your tarot significator?" test and I turned out to be the King of Swords.

Quiz
created by Polly Snodgrass.

FIRE OF AIR. Serious and intellectual, you live in the world of thoughts and ideas. You grasp things quicker than most and are a master debater. Your verbal skills are unparalleled; your conversations are stimulating. You are concerned with issues of justice. Your standards are high, so there is danger of becoming too moralistic. While truth is generally an honorable thing, chew on this: "Why Yes Herr Strudel, my neighbor IS hiding Jews in his basement!" You're Christopher Walken in Suicide Kings.

Fair enough I guess. But the test supplies only a superficial description of the meaning of this card. The totality is more complicated, and not as flattering:

King of Swords

Divinatory Meanings: The things that come from justice and all things connected to it; power, command, authority, militant intelligence, law, offices of the government, and such related things.

Reverse Meanings: Cruelty, perversity, barbarity, evil intent.

And here's another description of the card:

The King of Swords is a stern individual with a prevailing sense of justice, honor and ethics. He is respected by others for his honesty and fairness, analytical abilities and intellect. This individual may be a judge or other authority figure who can be counted on to determine an impartial and fair judgement, refusing to let emotions affect punishment or reward, seeking to create balance in life.

The King of Swords is portrayed very visually. He literally sees justice through the scales that represent his eyes. He is composed of the element of his suit and strong characteristics of his nature. This individual can be so divorced from his emotions as to be thoughtless of his impact on others, being arrogant and controlling.

This card can show us a time in our life where we seek justice and symmetry, either within ourselves or in those around us. Or as in all the court cards, this card can announce the presence of an individual coming into our life who has these qualities of authority and a sense of justice overriding personal commitments.

The main character in the movie Unforgiven, William Muny, is a King of Swords character.

I found this test through the indispensable Ghost of a flea, who is also the King of Swords. While normally I would find this coincidence amusing, there is that nagging punishment -- and I would not want to face punishment from a King of Swords personality. Ruthless is too mild a word.

But hold on. My punishment awaits.

Also from Ghost of a flea, I found "What Classic Movie Are You?" and while the Flea and I did not get the same result, the genre is the same.

"Apocalypse Now" meet "Platoon"!

(Hey, Kennedy did start the War in Vietnam, didn't he?)

What Classic Movie Are You?

Finally, ominously, just as Colonel Kurtz received his in "Apocalypse Now!", the Flea delivered on my well-deserved punishment for cheating.

This is serious slander though, and many bloggers would consider this the ultimate insult (just short of being linked to the one and only Robert Fisk!):

You're the Hipster Intellecticus. Call yourself
what you will (beatnik, philosophy major,
liberal arts student), you're still hip and you
still dig Kerouac.


What Kind of Hipster Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

GOD! I AM SENTENCED TO BE A.... FAN?...... OF NOAM? CHOMSKY?

Nicholas, do you have to be so cruel? Is there no way to make the punishment fit the crime? All I did was figure out how to get an "A" on one of your tests. Really! Was I so bad that I deserve the horrible fate of being called a fan of Noam Chomsky?
Properly chastised? My butt is so sore I can't sit!

It will take me a long time to get over this one.

(Come on. Pleeeeeze! I said I was sorry. I didn't mean to do it. The check was in the mail. I was a minor at the time. It was all because of post traumatic stress, a rough childhood, and acute symptoms of urban claustrophobia. It won't happen again! Honest!)

UPDATE: In the comments section below, the Flea has shown mercy and compassion, and the picture below is my attempt to demonstrate -- as graphically as I can -- my sincerest gratitude and utmost appreciation:

(There's more where that came from!)

UPDATE: Thanks to my blogfather for that marvelous Chomsky link.