Glenn's link to Frank J.'s post blaming Kevin Bacon for bridge collapses has made me do some very serious homework, because it occurred to me that this might be about more than just bridges and infrastructures collapsing.

Anywway, I'll start with Frank J.'s simple yet elegant reasoning:

1. Boooosh had an illegal war in Iraq.
2. War draws money away from states.
3. States no longer manage their infrastructure.
4. Bridge collapses.

I don't think they're looking at the whole picture though. The bridge collapse is obviously the fault of Kevin Bacon. This is why:

1. Kevin Bacon starred in Footloose.
2. The movie inspired Americans to rise against the system and dance.
3. This carefree attitude gradually evolved into structural engineers feeling life is too short to properly inspect bridges.
4. Bridge collapses.

I tell you, nothing in this country that goes wrong isn't somehow linked to Kevin Bacon. Someone has to stop him.

But I thought I should look further, because that's what we conscientious bloggers are supposed to do when confronted with unpleasant realities. My philosophy is that whenever there might be unconnected dots, it is our job to find them and then rigorously connect them.

So on to the dots. If we take a detailed look at Kevin Bacon, the facts are indeed horrifying. From his IMDB page, we learn that by a very simple process, he can be connected to virtually anything evil in Hollywood:

....Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, whereby people have to link any given actor to him by no more than six steps. For instance, to do Fred MacMurray, you could observe that MacMurray worked with Lee Marvin in The Caine Mutiny (1954), which is one step; and Marvin worked with Jane Fonda in Cat Ballou (1965), which is two steps; and Fonda worked with Jack Lemmon in The China Syndrome (1979), which is three steps; and Lemmon worked with Bacon in JFK (1991), which completes the link in four steps.

As Wikipedia makes clear, the notorious Ed Asner has a Bacon number of 1, while Elvis is a Bacon 2:

The way you link an actor with Bacon is like so:

* Pick any film actor in history.
* Link the actor you've chosen to Bacon via the films they've shared with other actors until you end up with Kevin Bacon himself.

Here is an example, using Elvis Presley:

1. Elvis Presley was in Change of Habit (1969) with Edward Asner
2. Edward Asner was in JFK (1991) with Kevin Bacon

Therefore Elvis Presley has a Bacon number of 2.

There are also very stubborn, ineradicable dynastic legacy issues, as spooky as they are damning.

First of all, Kevin Bacon and George W. Bush had famous fathers. Simply for having had Kevin Bacon and George W. Bush, both of these fathers have considerable blame for the damage done to the world by their notorious sons. While Kevin Bacon's father is not quite as well known as George H. W. Bush, the former, a man named Ed Bacon was considered the father of modern urban planning. This means that not only is he responsible for most of the problems in most of the cities in America, but he helped design and build much of the aging infrastructure that his son's irresponsible movie meme is now destroying (as Frank J. proved).

On a more personal level, Keven Bacon's father is directly responsible for the worst traffic nightmare I have ever had to face -- the Schuylkill Expressway (the fact that they gave it a name impossible to spell is no coincidence):

Constructed over a period of ten years from 1949 to 1959, a large portion of the expressway predates the 1956 introduction of Interstate Highway System; many of these portions were not built to contemporary standards.[3] The rugged terrain and limited riverfront space covered by the route has largely stymied later attempts to upgrade or widen the highway, despite the road being highly over-capacity; it has become notorious for its chronic congestion.[4]

Much of the city's highway system was planned and built during Bacon's tenure, including the Delaware Expressway (I-95), the Schuylkill Expressway, the Roosevelt Boulevard Expressway, and the Vine Street Expressway.

His policies have spread like a virus, and he wrote a book which is in use everywhere:

In 1965 Bacon was appointed by President Johnson to serve as a member of the White House Conference on Natural Beauty, where he was one of four panelists who reported directly to the President. In 1967, Bacon wrote Design of Cities, still considered an important urban design text.

We are in big trouble, folks!

And there is more. So much more.

Back to the legacy issue. While it is beyond dispute that both Bacon and Bush are incredibly guilty sons of incredibly guilty men, the guilty connections only start there. Few people know it, but according to readily accessible public information, Kevin Bacon is related to Richard Nixon!

His father was a seventh cousin of President Richard Nixon.

George W. Bush is also related to Richard Nixon! (It's beyond dispute, and all laid out at the site.)

A much more shocking, and even less known fact, is that in addition to being related to Nixon, Boooosh is a Jooooo! As for the right wing cynics who don't trust Washington Monthly, the evidence is uncontestable, and not only appears at many reliable web sites, but is documented in numerous videos like these. But beware! The Jooos are making the facts disappear! (Pretty soon they'll destroy the evidence of the Bush family Jewish Nazi conspiracy.)

After all of the ample documentation above (most of which was never intended as satire), I hardly need to point out what this portends.

Kevin Bacon is related to Boooosh the Joooo!

We're doubly, triply, quadruply, doooooomed!

Q.E.D.

(Which is Latin for "case closed.")