Dogs these days are growing up too fast!

Coco has been watching too much television. (Hell, for all I know she's been watching too many videos like these.) I suspect that she may have internalized some of the tabloid trash they put on TV, and I thought it would be nice to get take her on a nice trip to a wholesome, family-oriented event.

A dog show seemed like just the ticket. You know, promoting canine family values and all.

The show was for pit bulls only, and here's the only picture I have showing Coco in the judging ring (she's on the far right in the distance, looking directly at the camera while her clueless master looks at the judge):


This was the "judge's pick" category, and there were plenty of good dogs. Coco didn't win, but I didn't expect her to, as she's not show-quality material. (For starters, she's not in peak athletic condition, plus she's bi-eyed.) But this was for fun and socializing.

Here's a picture of the winning dog of the show:


And the winning dog in Coco's category (note that she's very "buff"):


Of course, no report on a pit bull show would be complete without a gruesome photograph of a child being terrorized by these killer dogs:


There was more to the show than walking the dogs in circles and having them judged, however. They had a strength and endurance test in which each contestant was placed on a treadmill which measured the "distance" a dog could travel in two minutes. (Obviously, the dogs are going nowhere, but why tell them that?) Coco had never been on a treadmill before, and while I thought there was a good chance she'd refuse to move at all once I placed her on the stupid thing, in the spirit of fun I entered her in the contest. When it was her turn I lifted her up, she was fastened in, and then I called her to come. At first she fought the moving belt (a bunch of slats) and kept trying to reach the non-moving edges for traction, but eventually she got the hang of it, and before long she actually started making tracks!


She didn't win (as there are dogs that run on these things daily), but they told me that for a first timer, she did great.

But for Coco, the main event proved to be interaction with the opposite sex. A very precocious five month old puppy named "Trey" took a shine to her, and Coco more than reciprocated. (Like I say, it's the tabloid TV.)

Their initial meeting consisted of the usual doggy sniffing and tail-wagging:


Very much the evil temptress, Coco seemed to care not at all that this puppy was far below the legal age for canine consent. This was further aggravated by the fact that Trey is a humongous pup, already approaching Coco in size. His father weighs 92 lbs., which is huge for a pit bull, and from the looks of him now, Trey could end up being larger than dad.

As Coco and the pup at last succumbed to the culture of canine carnal corruption, they began a shameful dance, which I am presenting not to shock my readers, but only to demonstrate their similarity in size:


Things got even more snuggly and cuddly, and one thing led to another:


Eventually, they were dancing cheek-to-cheek!


Modesty forbids displaying photos that might get me in trouble with the canine cultural police. Seriously, it's happened here before, so I really have to watch my step. But the fact is, that little guy was trying hard to be a stud! He was actually humping away at Coco, who has only been out of her heat cycle for a couple of weeks. His instincts and attitude were extremely precocious, and while it might have seemed she was encouraging him, singling out Coco under the circumstances strikes me as highly judgmental.

They say the parents are to blame in cases like this, but I disagree.

I blame television!

posted by Eric on 09.24.06 at 04:18 PM


Well now. You'll have to shotgun-wed the coupld... now that they've been spotted dancing together.

David Ross   ·  September 25, 2006 3:47 AM

Damn it, "couple". I should never type at 2:45 am

David Ross   ·  September 25, 2006 3:48 AM

Dogs should not be judged based upon their looks or ability to cover distance on a treadmill. Literary acumen and paper shredding ability are paramount. Until "dog" shows recognize this basic reality I will not support them directly, nor will I purchase any sponsor of such an event.

Harkonnendog   ·  September 25, 2006 5:21 PM

To "literary acumen and paper shredding ability" I would add "proficiency with basic firearms safety."


Eric Scheie   ·  September 25, 2006 9:19 PM

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