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August 30, 2006
Eradicating dangerous aliens from San Francisco!
In what's probably a sign of the times in which we live, authorities in tolerant San Francisco are planning a major crackdown, with the goal of eradicating foreign invaders: SAN FRANCISCO - In an effort to preserve San Francisco’s natural habitat, The City approved a plan Monday that would cut down thousands of non-native trees along hillsides and parks.Not everyone is happy about the idea. Here's The Examiner's Ken Garcia: I am all for protecting native habitat, and eucalyptus trees were probably not the best choice when much of The City’s forests were planted a century ago, given their encroachment tendencies with other plants and trees and grasses. But it should be pointed out that there are considerably more plant species here today than there were when all of those horrible non-native types arrived, and they’ve managed to survive without NAP’s heavy-handed intervention.What next? Will alien lovers like Garcia be defending the "rights" of a squalid clump of smelly alien trees to continue their environmentally perverted occupancy over that once pristine sand dune area now euphemistically called "Stern Grove"? Unfortunately, many San Franciscans imagine the pests to be beautiful, and the Eucalyptus trees have been growing there (and all over California) for many, many years. Since at least 1871: The gold fever came in 1850 and affected the farming life and production of the early settlers, but only for a few years. The elder George Greene was not only a farmer but a miner, and he caught the fever. He continued intermittently as a prospector all his life. He also was one of the first oil men in California, commencing his activities in 1865.In what was obviously selfish and short-sighted thinking, this greedy fat cat thought that the importing cheap, fast-growing trees and planting in a grove would be more attractive than what the biased article calls "a great deal of underbrush where wild cattle, rabbits, and coyotes roamed." Greene's error was compounded when the subsequent owner donated the blighted grove to the city, because the unthinkingly sentimental, aesthetic-minded citizens of San Francisco turned it into a place for open air concerts: [Mrs. Sigmund Stern] turned it over to the people of San Francisco as a recreation site, deeding it in perpetuity to the city with the express provision that it would forever be used only for recreational purposes.Even the supposedly enlighted music critics (an educated lot, who ought to know better) have gone so far as to praise the unholy invasive stench of these South Pacific aliens: But the Summer Music Festival is the biggest attraction and as one music critic put it — accurately if lightly — the programs “are the only ones given hereabouts that can smell as good as they sound, thanks to the action of sunlight on wet eucalyptus trees.”Enough of that! It might have taken them some time, but San Francisco is finally showing some sense. Here here! URGENT CAVEAT: Please bear in mind that it's sometimes tough to distinguish real life from satire in San Francisco. Readers looking for in-depth, real-life satire should read about San Francisco's "Natural Areas Program." Going after alien trees is only a start toward the utopian dream of "restoring" Stern Grove to its original sand dune status (by stealth, with the clever introduction of "Trojan turtles") and ultimately kicking San Franciscans out of their parks. Alien trees are bad enough, but humans are the ultimate alien species. (None dare call any of this speciesism.) posted by Eric on 08.30.06 at 09:25 AM
Comments
In San Francisco's defense, I can see a good reason to take down eucalyptus trees: combining top-heaviness with relatively shallow roots, the darn things fall over in strong winds, which makes them a royal pain in Santa Ana wind plagued Southern California. I'd imagine that removing them before an earthquake hits could prevent a fair amount of damage. Hubbard · September 4, 2006 05:04 PM |
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What next? Some idiot group will indoubtedly want to restore San Francisco's natural waterfront by removing most of the financial district from Montgomery Street to the bay. It is built on man made fill and is therefore a continuing threat to the "natural" order.