I don't like to think of myself as a Luddite, but yesterday's experience with a high tech toilet hardly endeared me to the idea of modernizing and revolutionizing Every Last Personal Thing.
At O'Hare Airport I made the mistake of going to the bathroom and entering a sit-down toilet stall. First I was a bit off-put by the fact that there was an automatic plastic toilet seat cover which didn't appear to be readily removable. Normally (huh?) I don't use toilet seat covers, and whether that makes me "anal" or the opposite I don't know and don't care, but in this case there was something just, well, a bit creepy about sitting on someone else's toilet seat cover. As irrational as it may sound, I'd rather sit on a bare toilet seat than a used toilet seat cover! That's because not only do toilet seat covers give me the creeps, but whoever used a toilet seat cover might have had an unpleasant and undisclosed reason for using it.
To my annoyance, I didn't see an easy way to remove the toilet seat cover, which was attached at each end, and seemed to roll into a dispenser. A button on the wall was right under a red LED with numbers -- almost like something you'd see in a hospital. Hell, why not press the button? I did, and then the toilet seat cover slithered across the seat -- reminding me of the way a snake sheds its skin -- until a new virgin coating was formed on the seat!
Now, I was already feeling slightly manipulated by this. That's because I don't choose to use toilet seat covers, but I felt compelled to use one whether I wanted to or not. The idea that some unknown bureaucratic forces somewhere have decided to dictate a change in my personal habits is unsettling to say the least. Coupled with the constant diminution in quantity of urinals, I find this ominous. Still, I sat down on the thing. And no -- I don't like the sensation. It's slippy-slidy and creepy.
That was the least of my problems. For, no sooner had ten or twenty seconds elapsed from my sitting down on the toilet when the automatic flush mechanism activated itself! And not just with a normal toilet flush. This thing was under pressure. With a big "WHOOSH!" it sprayed me! Worst of all, (and without going into the kind of personal details which might get my blog more censored than it already is -- just take my word for it) the timing could not possibly have been worse!
But that wasn't all. "Recovering" (hope that's the right word) as best I could from this traumatic assualt on all I hold dear and personal, after another ten or twenty seconds (I didn't check my watch) the damned thing flushed and sprayed me again. Surely, that would be the last time, I thought. But as I'd been twice fooled, I was ready to jump if it happened again.
And it did. Only this time I stood up, remained standing, and concluded my personal details with as much dignity as I could muster under the circumstances.
Does anyone know what is going on? Is there some vast bureaucracy which has decided to save environment at the expense of our privacy and our sanity?
I know that these things are all about control. I just can't decide how to label the problem. . . No control? Lack of control? Loss of control?
When will they stop? They haven't stopped with potty parity, urinal removal, mandatory seat covers and automatic flushing. Where does it end?
Until this day I never imagined that there could be such a thing as a Luddite libertarian or libertarian Luddite, but now I'm wondering . . .
posted by Eric on 05.31.06 at 09:27 AM
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The French have us beat in this one. I've heard the airport restrooms in Paris have foot switches. Not sure about the auto-seat condoms, though.
For the record, i abhor auto-flushing toilets on a timer for the same reason as you.
Yes, and kids are REALLY fun to have on automatic toilets. You think it scared and upset you... my son is still convinced his potty is going to try to eat him or something. The toilets that flush themselves are the most horrifying thing he's ever seen!
No, you're not a Luddite -- just another libertarian complaining (rightly this time) about an idiotic decision made by a government bureaucrat at some unknown level (probably the regional airport authority, unless DHS or TSA are picking the toilets now). And the decision was probably guided by some connection between at least one politician and the manufacturer of the toilets.
There are other designs: a laser that triggers the flush mechanism when you get up and move away; and a public stall that automatically seals itself and cleans itself from ceiling to floor after you leave (I saw this in Ireland).
I've read paper/wax toilet seat covers are useless, so using them is probably irrational (I use them) so NOT using them is probably rational unless you think that not using them is somehow cleaner which is also probably irrational. But even then using and not using are equally irrational.
I imagine the auto-flush is a response to people refusing to flush, which is nasty as fug, and really unfortunate. Lack of civic feeling, I guess, though it might be that people think flushing with their hands is unhygienic, so a foot pedal might work. It seems to me that a toilet should respong to WEIGHT rather than presence. As long as there is weight on the seat, no flushy- even if that is an emergency override on the laser or sensor of whatever. Not getting the equivalent of backwashed by a toilet EWWWW!!! should be priority number 1!
I have no idea what the hell that plastic seat cover is for, assuming seat covers really ARE useless.
Looks like somebody went with the auto-flush toilets to save a bit of money, and then decided to go with the default timer to avoid paying for adjusting the timers.
They also went with a model with a built in bidet. The "backwash" a previous commenter noted. That's right, the squirting of the rectum is deliberate. It's actually a better way of wiping out clingons than toilet paper. Japanese toilets have built in bidets, and some models can give you the impression you're sitting on some kind of saddle.
And now that I think of it, the every 30 seconds might be because somebody heard somewhere that that's the average interval between loaves. :)
Thanks for the comments! I did not time the thing, so I don't know the intervals, but it fired three times. There was a red infrared type of sensor on the wall behind it, but it obviously wasn't working, because it didn't flush when I stood up.
(What a pity when government won't trust its citizens with toilet controls.)
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Don?t bang your head!
The French have us beat in this one. I've heard the airport restrooms in Paris have foot switches. Not sure about the auto-seat condoms, though.
For the record, i abhor auto-flushing toilets on a timer for the same reason as you.