Classical Values :: Coincidence? Hardly!

Coincidence? Hardly!

Forty nine years ago, in the very heart of the former Confederacy, a squalling but healthy infant entered this world. (As we will see, it was an important day in history, too!) His proud mother looked much like this at the time, and his father, a Navy man, was proud to have another boy. What neither of them knew at the time was that this seemingly helpless infant was destined for great things. Things I am not permitted to discuss. Ever.

Which means that I will have to discuss with what I hate most: real issues.

In this case, the real issues of June 2, 1956.

It was a good day for television. No seriously. Look at what was on:

"The Master Plan of Dr. Fu Manchu" aired on television!

The musical version of A Bell for Adano (John Hersey's popular novel about American troops occupying an Italian village during World War II) aired on CBS.

In the Honeymooner's episode "Alice and the Blonde," after going nuts over Bert Weedemeyer's blonde bombshell wife, Ralph comes home to find a bombshell of his own.

And that's just television. In those days, more things actually happened in real life than on television.

The following are actual headlines (from June 2, 1956) culled from New York Times archives. Obviously, a lot more happened in the world that day, but I'm trying to focus only important things. Here they are -- the real issues of the world on the day Justin was born! (I'll add a few comments as I see fit.)

Air Cargo Service Starts (Well, guess what? We still have it!)

Algerian Rebel Toll Rises (That could easily pass muster as a headline today.)

ARABS STILL BALK AT U.N. PEACE PLAN (If that isn't news that never goes out of style, I don't know what is....)

Argentina Bans U.N. Organ (Immortal Gods! Will U.N. sex scandals never cease?)

Attack on Nixon (Have I got news for the attackers! Nixon has been dead for over a decade now. But the attacks are still fast and furious. Why, the Constitution is said to barely hang by a thread because of what he did!)

Bomb Scare Empties School (Fortunately, in today's civilized world a headline like that would be completely unimaginable.)

DEMOCRATS CHART BOLD PROGRAM (I have to say, some of the stuff politicians used to do in those days is pretty amazing by today's standards. Do you think such things could ever happen again?)

HAITI DENIES TORTURE (Guess what! They're still denying it!)

Herbert Hoover Jr. Expects Oil Imports To Be Big in Future (Oil imports? No way!)

Housewives Are Driving Sports Cars Too (Obviously, that was just a passing fad. Now they're driving huge vans, while the househusbands drive the sports cars.)

NIXON DECLARES APATHY OF VOTERS IS PERIL TO G.O.P. (Gee. To think that today's Republicans love low voter turnout....)

Norway Favors Women Pastors (I just knew it! Those damned degenerate Scandinavians! They're been against God for a long time!)

Opposition Loses Key Vote in Japanese Diet After Series of Fights (I'm not sure what to make of that. Were the Japanese legislators fighting over food?)

Presbyterian Report Cites Bible To Decry Restrictions on Women (I knew it! Moral relativism! Must have been the sinister Scandanavians spreading culture rot!)

SENATORS VICTORS OVER INDIANS 5-3 (I have to say, that one puzzles me, because a vote that small indicates an absence of a quorum. And why would the Senate have been fighting Indians as late as 1956?)

SOVIET RELIEVES MOLOTOV -- FOREIGN MINISTER 13 YEARS (And instead of shooting him, all they did was name a drink after him. I'll bet old Vyacheslav never knew it'd still be a hot item 49 years later.)

SUKARNO WARNS WORLD (Well, you can't say we weren't warned!)

VIETMINH BREAKS TRUCE (There was a lot more where that came from.)

WHOOPING CRANES HATCH SECOND CHICK (Whoa there! I thought this was supposed to be Justin's birthday. Yet bird birthdays are honored, and blogger birthdays ignored? Rarely have I seen a more classic example of selective, one-sided reporting. I knew the New York Times has had it in for bloggers for years, but I had no idea that their institutional bias went back that far. Change may be well nigh impossible.)

Considering it was Justin's birthday, couldn't the Times have at least featured a stork? I'll offer this one as a belated correction:

Happy Birthday Justin!

Considering all the things that happened on the day you were born, I question the timing.

Comments

Plus ca change, plus ca meme chose. Anyway....

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday, Dear Justin!
Happy Birthday to you!

May your day of birth
Be a day of mirth.

Steven Malcolm Anderson the Lesbian-worshipping man's-man-admiring myth-based egoist · June 3, 2005 03:19 AM

While rumors of Justin's birth may be exaggerated, if I had to buy him a gift, well, here's a list of books I know he'd love to read.

Eric Scheie · June 3, 2005 11:09 AM

Mr. Case, I hope you had a lovely birthday yesterday. And many happy returns.

SMA's top secret lesbian admirer · June 3, 2005 07:06 PM

Thanks to all for the birthday wishes.

Eric, instead of that flappywinged bird with a bindle in its beak, why didn't you use a bust of Zeno, or Epictetus, or even Seneca?

Classical Values, right?

That way, I could say the stoic brought me.

J. Case · June 6, 2005 01:55 AM

I threw in everything but the kitchen cynic!

Eric Scheie · June 6, 2005 05:04 PM