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May 01, 2005
Life isn't always a cake
Regarding the woman who preferred making herself a criminal rather than submit to the indignities of a gigantic, stressful wedding, I see that a number of bloggers are pointing out (quite correctly) the absurdity of the situation -- especially the idea of making a wedding ceremony more important than the marriage itself. More than two weeks ago Rachel Lucas showed the world how to avoid the insanity of a giant wedding by her own personal example: It was an absolutely delightful wedding, in that there were zero guests. Seriously. I love going to weddings but I have never in all of my life had any desire or intention to be a bride in a white dress with hoardes of people gawking at me and my one true love while we stand in front of them like nauseated performance monkeys and then throw them a party. I love it when other women are brides, oh yes, and I highly encourage you all to have big crazy weddings as often as possible, but for the love of all that is holy, I cannot fathom why you would want to. It's expensive, mostly pointless, and sick-making stressful. Most of my friends don't even remember their weddings because they were too busy freaking out. Cake. Flowers. Guest list. Caterers. Photographer. Drunk uncle. It goes on and on.A real wedding. Two people who love each other marry each other without any hoopla. I think it's a sweet idea. By today's standards, even revolutionary. Considering what that what you're doing is supposed to be a lifelong deal, and quite a big one, the act of entry into that contract (which marriage is) should logically be seen as a relatively small step towards something much bigger. I mean, if you buy a house, signing the contract and following through with the settlement are important, solemn things. But are they as important as living in the house? The contract is what gets you there. What counts is what you do after you're there. Not that I'd be expected to know about marriage. Never been there or done that. posted by Eric on 05.01.05 at 11:39 PM
Comments
I still remember sitting on the roof of our newly purchased house, looking at the crumbing shingles, thinking of the cost of the upcoming wedding versus the costs of repairing the house, and turning to my fiance and saying, "Why don't we just go to Vegas?" One of the best decisions we've ever made. No stress, low cost, fun beyond belief. I got to wear the big poofy dress I had bought, but there was no worry about literally anything at all. The industry there is finely-tuned. We were married in front of our parents, and then instead of stressing about caterers or bands or liquor bills, we spent the next day and a half enjoying being with them and each other. Highly recommended, if you ever get to that point. Jen · May 2, 2005 10:21 AM Loving someone and wanting to marry that person is natural, and human. Transforming the marriage ceremony from an acknowledgement of that love into a grotesque, stressful obligation is inhuman and unnatural. People are so stressed, programmed, and overloaded that they don't stop to realize what is happening. This woman was right to run away! And that's why the case attracted so much attention. She shouldn't have committed a crime, though, and I think that's further evidence of her complete alienation from human reality. She could not honestly bring herself to admit that something was very wrong, and very unnatural, so she made up a fantastic story. What I want to know is this: had she told the truth, would she have lost all her friends, as well as the marriage? If so, then her life was empty, and wholly devoid of meaning. (I know it's not a pleasant thought, but why else would she have gone to such extremes?) Eric Scheie · May 2, 2005 11:14 AM |
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Been there, done that...and totally agree with you.
Been married to the same guy for almost twenty years now, and I'm here to tell ya that the wedding was the least of it. What's really made the marriage wasn't the white dress or the cake or the champagne fountain (had all that, except my sisters hijacked the champagne but that's another story)--what's really made the marriage is stuff like living together, making choices that are good for The Marriage (though not necessarily what the individual may want) raising El Nino together, navigating the families on both sides, etc etc.
You're right, O Classical Valued One.
Nancy