Up with Steven!

Here's a newsflash for all Classical Values readers.

Jeff Soyer (my blogfather, Alphecca) links to the following quote from our esteemed frequent commenter Steven Malcolm Anderson:

Liberals: Feed their pets organic foods. Watch Dick Cavett. Try to see the other guy's point of view while being mugged. Bicycle. Say, "Peace!". Take up yoga. Support non-profit TV. Have tried pot. Secretly wish William F. Buckley was a Liberal. Secretly wish David Susskind wasn't. Walk around nude in front of the children. Know the name of their Congressman. Sign petitions. Are cremated. Get psychoanalyzed. Distrust Nixon. Subscribe to "Consumer Reports". Grind their own coffee. Make it a habit to call Negroes "Blacks". Hate being called "Leftists".
As Jeff further notes, "Read it all, and all of the posts. Steven is one of the more interesting folks in the blogosphere." (I love understatement!)

And I'm glad to see Up With Beauty on a roll. I enjoyed Steven's discussion of George Lakoff, who's long attributed the differences between liberals and conservatives to child raising. (My inner child can beat up your honor student, Lakoff!)

Keep Beauty Up, Steven!

posted by Eric on 02.01.05 at 03:43 PM


Dear Eric:


Conservatives: Fuck their pets. Watch Bill O'Reilly. Try to force the other guy to see things his way by use of flying punches. ATV. Say, "Grrrr!". Take up fag-bashing. Support corporate welfare. Have tried beer. Secretly wish Keith Olberman was a Conservative. Secretly wish Andrew Sullivan wasn't. Walk around nude in front of the other men. Know the name of their Republican Congresspersons. Sign petitions to put homosexuals in jail. Throw fake blood in front of abortion clinics. Get medicated. Distrust Hillary. Subscribe to "Washington Times". Make their own bullets. Make it a habit to call Negroes "Niggers". Hate being called "Wingnuts".

blogesota   ·  February 1, 2005 7:32 PM

You seem to be confusing Conservatives with Right-Wing Militants.

Conservatives: Wet their finger before turning the page of a book. Sleep in twin beds. Take pride in their penmanship. Waltz. Own Irish setters. Are reliable pall-bearers. Work out at a gym regularly. Mail in Warantees. Are life Members of the National Geographic Society. Refer to Mohammed Ali as Cassius Clay. Drive cars with low license plate numbers. Over-decorate their homes at Christmas time. Undertip. Take pride in their "regularity". Are on a first-name basis with their bank officer. Distrust Nixon. Are disgusted with Jim Bouton. Read Historical Markers. Wear vests. Hate being called "Reactionaries".

Right-Wing Militants: Wear boxer shorts and sleeveless undershirts. Lift weights. Hang Insurance Company calendars on their Living Room walls. Own Dobermans. Chew on match sticks. Buy Spiro Agnew watches for the wrong reasons. Bowl. Hang around gas stations. Send their mothers expensive, flowery, sentimental cards on Mother's Day. Belong to Gun Clubs. Frame their Army Decorations and Discharge Certificates. Only drink beer. Smoke Camels. Know Roller Derby stars by their first names. Are tatooed. Distrust Nixon. Don't understand what William F. Buckley says, but agree with him. Wear religious medals around their necks. Love parades. Hate being called "Fascists".

In between are Reactionaries, who....


Will you marry me?

blogesota   ·  February 2, 2005 8:43 PM

Geez. At this rate, I might have to consider charging matchmaking fees!

Eric Scheie   ·  February 2, 2005 9:52 PM

Thought you may be interested in my blog, very naughty. It includes rants about very naughty things, for all you naughty people out there.

Andy Bright - Very Naughty!   ·  February 9, 2005 7:23 PM

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