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February 03, 2004
Charity or enablement?
Dr. Helen Smith (wife of Glenn Reynolds, and forensic psychologist specializing in treating violent kids) highlighted a detail of the Appalachian Law School shooting case which I somehow missed (perhaps because it didn't appear in my local newspaper): ...[A]t the Appalachian Law School in 2002, a student by the name of Peter Odighizuwa murdered three and wounded three others before being subdued at gunpoint by his fellow students. Dean L. Anthony Sutin had helped Odighizuwa get into law school and even allowed him back in after he had flunked out the first time. Sutin and the school helped him get a loan, and to buy a car and a computer. Odighizuwa was known for his belligerent manner and threats to harm others. But in the academic world where nonviolence and understanding are believed to work wonders, no one bothered to tell Odighizuwa that his behavior was unacceptable. Once he flunked a second time, he was told he had to go, but instead he took the lives of some of the people who had helped him the most.Today (and doubtless in 2002), behavior like that of the Appalachian Law School officials would be called "enablement." It's also an example of what my boss (a used car dealer) told me years ago: "Eric, if you walk by someone's house and put ten dollars in his mailbox every day for thirty days, but then after the thirtieth day you walk by and don't put anything in the mailbox, you know what? You won't have a friend; you'll have an enemy!"That was in 1974. Since then, I have seen this principle at work so many times that you'd think I would spot such situations before they occur. The problem in practice is that life is not an easy game of strangers, money, and mailboxes. In life, you deal with friends -- some of whom are grateful. There are, in fact, people who'd be genuinely grateful for thirty days of the ten dollar payouts my boss described, and who might even attempt to pay you back, on their own, without even being asked. (Rare, I admit, but still possible.) How do you separate the good guys from the bad guys, though? I'll let you know when I figure it out. But it may be a long, long time. It has to do with intelligent discrimination. "Discrimination" used to be both a good word (when done for good reasons) as well as a bad word (when done for bad reasons). The blurring of the distinction is why employers are afraid to hire anyone. Landlords are afraid to rent to anyone. All discrimination is becoming illegal. For any reason. If I hire you, I should not be allowed to fire you. For any reason. Even if you can't do the job! If I rent you an apartment, I shouldn't be allowed evict you -- even for non-payment of rent. I saw rent control do to Berkeley what a larger movement is now doing to the country. I do not believe in the Old Testament view that I should be my brother's keeper. I believe I should have the right to choose which "brothers" I keep, and which I don't. And if I make a mistake, it should be my mistake. I say this as someone who has taken in more than one homeless person, with mixed results. Were things safer when people just put money in the collection plate? posted by Eric on 02.03.04 at 05:13 PM
Comments
To your title, charity can become "enablement." The interestingly obvious point (to me, anyway) is that it often depends much more on the receiver than on the giver. Fortunately and unfortunately, intelligently discriminating sometimes takes a back seat to one's heartfelt desire to help. Ten dollars in the mailbox. Hmm. Of the people I know, I believe far more would be appreciative of the surprise than would end up an enemy. Of the people I surround myself with, I know none would be my enemy. There is a lesson there, too. Beth · February 4, 2004 09:32 PM I'm one of those who would be grateful. I would know (or hope) that the kind person who was giving me all that money has a good, selfish reason of his/her own, and had, therefore, a good, selfish reason to stop. Too many people in today's culture, however, have been taught to expect such gifts as their _right_, as an entitlement -- and, therefore giving as an unselfish _duty_. That's where we've gone wrong in my opinion. I will gladly help out a poor person -- unless his attitude is "you owe me". Then, he gets nothing at all from me but contempt. Steven Malcolm Anderson · February 5, 2004 09:56 AM There are many – and I’d agree, too many – folks who feel entitled. I encounter them frequently enough. And, it disappoints and disquiets me every time. I cannot understand the logic, or thought process that brings a person to that point. Or, maybe I am giving more credit than is deserved. Attributing it to mental laziness might be more accurate. Through a combination of experience (demanding and receiving irrelevant to deservedness) and lack of adequate (absence of?) consideration of values, judgment and consequences, one arrives at feelings of entitlement. I believe there is a need for a centralized support system with the government playing an appropriate oversight role in it. There are good people who need help who cannot rely on crossing paths with generous folks able to offer them help. But, almost all agree the system in place is broken and enables continued reliance rather than encouraging and teaching self-support. Beth · February 5, 2004 07:10 PM |
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Excellent (again). I totally agree with you. I'm proud to say that I do discriminate, all the time. That doesn't make me a racist. In fact, racists are among those I discriminate against.