|
January 14, 2004
Latest threat we cannot protect against!
I feel compelled to speak up about two topics which are embarrassing and unpleasant for me: monkeys and underwear. For reasons I have explained before, I try to avoid monkeys whenever possible. And underwear? I am too much of a prude to touch the stuff -- male or female -- in my writing, anyway. But surely that doesn't mean I can just sit and ignore it when someone else raises this topic? Jennifer (whose link to Frank J. in the story somehow got his name all wrong; I can't imagine why) nonetheless performed a valuable service by linking to this story: Many women in SIngapore are buying their husbands special Chinese New Year briefs designed to bring them good fortune and increase their sexual potency as well as panties specially designed for the year of the monkey, which begins with the Lunar New Year on Jan. 22, a national holiday in Singapore and celebrated throughout the world by the Chinese diaspora.Whether they involve monkeys or not, such omens and portents will never be ignored. Not here at Classical Values! News of this growing threat will come as no surprise to the blogosphere's most outspoken leader against the monkey menace, Frank J., who recently said, So, I know what you are all asking: what's happening in monkey news? Well, the news is... IT'S NOW THE YEAR OF THE MONKEY!!!!I must disagree with Frank J. on the last small point. I don't think the Chinese are so stupid. What do you suppose they've been doing while we fight the War on Terror? Constant infiltration -- even to the point of subverting and perverting normal underwear! Think about it: a week from tomorrow, we will be officially in the Year of the Monkey! Call me an alarmist if you must, but I think that in light of stories like this it may be time to wake up and smell the coffee. It may be too late! That report came, of course, from Frank J. who has tirelessly sounded the alarm -- more times than anyone could possibly count -- while most people went about their daily business, blissfully unaware of the metastasizing threat. As Frank says, If we were really serious, we'd make eliminating monkeys part of our war on terror.Did you know that EIGHT PERCENT of all Americans were born in the Year of the Monkey? Watch out for people born in the following years: 1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004, 2016. (I hope that doesn't include anyone in the blogosphere, but I am getting scared!) Oh my God! Is the government going to allow these people to fly on planes? Isn't there at least a way to check their underwear? It's minimally invasive -- and as the saying goes, "if we could just save one life...." Or will the crackpots at the ACLU stop us from making even that small investment in the safety of our country? posted by Eric on 01.14.04 at 02:27 PM |
|
March 2007
WORLD-WIDE CALENDAR
Search the Site
E-mail
Classics To Go
Archives
March 2007
February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 May 2002 See more archives here Old (Blogspot) archives
Recent Entries
War For Profit
How trying to prevent genocide becomes genocide I Have Not Yet Begun To Fight Wind Boom Isaiah Washington, victim Hippie Shirts A cunning exercise in liberation linguistics? Sometimes unprincipled demagogues are better than principled activists PETA agrees -- with me! The high pitched squeal of small carbon footprints
Links
Site Credits
|
|